Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
