There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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