I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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