were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
