He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
