mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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