in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
