Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
