Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
