My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
