the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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