the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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