All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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