Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
