the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
