he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
