I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
