i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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