Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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