im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
