12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
