mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
