I'm really into asian looking animals
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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