The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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