Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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