how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
