well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
