I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I met the friendliest cop last night
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
