there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
