All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
