you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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