I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
