Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
