After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
