Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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