my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
