So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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