just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
