i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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