you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
