I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
