Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
