Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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