remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You made out with two different species that night
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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