becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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