pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
