That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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