I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
where are you?
Hypothermia
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
