I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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