he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
