normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Too much gin, very little bucket
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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