on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
