hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
