I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
